Bike seats - the good, the very bad

The search for the Holy Grail continues - a seat that is comfortable for long distances

Models to be reviewed with graphic descriptions of damage done, success, failure, the highs, the lows, the bruises, the blood blisters (...and this is cycling, not running - this is meant to be fun)-

• Brooks Swift Ti (I hate this seat)
• Fizik Aliante (current source of disappointment)
• SMP Stratos (what was I thinking?!)

These are my three most recent and followed a long line of equally miserable non-performers although I did quite like an ancient Selle Italia Turbo until the rail snapped. All have been ridden for many, many, many kilometres. I'll lead off with the biggest disappointment.

The Brooks Swift Ti ('swift' because you ride fast to finish and get off the seat). The seat looked great out of the box, as product testers say (not sure what it means). Also smelt nice, like a leather couch. A new one, not a skanky old one in a night club with layers of grunge that defy analysis.

The shiny hardness reminded me of new school shoes from the very distant and forgettable past. Ironic because siting on this seat is like having a hard leather shoe shoved up our ass, or 'arse' as the British say; it is an English saddle after all. Also not sure why I fell for the "Ti" (ie titanium for those without a periodic table handy) version but I suppose it weighed a teeny bit less while I dragged it everywhere and the rock hard leather efficiently destroyed my ass/arse. It also cost more than the standard model so it had to be better.

Before the question is asked - yes, I confirm I bought the Brooks leather slime and dutifully coated the seat as often as recommended and more so when I rode in the rain, snow etc. I stuck this awful seat on my trusty mountain bike and used it to ride to work and back every day for oh, I dunno, three years. Any improvement? Nope. 

Moving along. Although I can legitimately claim to be obnoxious, I cannot claim to be a big fat bastard (or attractive). Weighing in at an acceptable 138 pounds and at 5'7 in tallness/shortness (that's 'normal' by the way...look it up), I also can't claim to exert much gravity assisted grinding pressure on the rock hard leather of this unforgiving, literal pain in the ass/arse but I would have thought that the effluxtion of time and my bum sweat would have eventually softened things up a bit, er....no. By the way, I do ride distances longer than 20 kms a day and have ridden with this seat on many, many long rides - same result. 

The first sign of real trouble was the NYC Century a few years ago. It is a chilled out, slow, FLAT ride with nice-ish other riders (and the usual NY fuckwit car drivers trying to mow everyone down). Transportation Alternatives organises the ride to demonstrate that cars and bikes can co-exist in NYC. I don't ride it because of my love of bicycle advocacy (infact, some of the most insane riding I have seen has been on the NYC) but I do appreciate their hard work and it's a nice way to see the city and reduce you chances of being run over by making like a school of fish - if there are lots of people doing the same thing and if someone has to be squashed by a car, bitten by a dog, arrested, shot etc chances of escape are better in a crowd.

Anyway, for this ride, I put the seat on my trusty road bike. The ride was 160kms/100 miles. A reasonable, not excessive distance. First 50ks were all good, next 50 sort of not so good, next 50 - very uncomfortable, last 10 - excruciating. Upon triumphant completion of the ride, I returned to the East Village, stepped over the dog shit, needles, the odd junky and pushed through the trash to get inside my apartment, then headed for the shower to make myself a little less stinky. The warm water was relaxing until it reached downstairs - sharp intake of breath and serious cheek clenching (not my face). Closer inspection revealed a bruise, blister and welt under where I suppose each sit bone is located.

Still. I didn't give up. I persisted for a long, long time. Anything over 100ks was never fun. I tried to like this seat. I nurtured it with Brooks Proofide. I encouraged it to meet me half way but the relationship was never meant to be. It looked so shiny when we met but was too inflexible. We had to break up. I haven't seen Brooks Swift Ti for a long time though I hear it's doing fine ruining someone else's life.

To be continued...